The Missing Words
by angelsinstead
Summary: This is my attempt at writing a drabble of sorts.  Not sure if I succeeded or not, but I am new to this, so we'll have to see how it turns out.   This is AU.
1. Anger

Anger

Anger oozed from his every pore. Anger fueled his desire to attack. His heart had been wounded, abandoned, and bruised. He refused to be hurt again. He would strike back. She would pay for making him feel.

She lay there in the near-darkness, so beautiful, vulnerable, and serene. He stood over her, the anger seething thoughout his soul. There she slumbered, in the very bed where they had made love, and unwillingly, he remembered. The memories assaulted him, one by one, and for just a moment, tenderness made him pause.

He slid a caress across her cheek as a smile came to his eyes. The very hand that had softly stroked her skin was now pressed hard against her mouth. Blue eyes popped open as recognition caused her body to tense. "There's no escape," came his brutal hiss.

She twisted, struggling in his embrace, but she was no match for his fury. Anger was stronger than the both of them. In the darkness of night, he took what he thought he'd never have. She became the victim of him, while he became the victim of his own torment.

As her tears stained her pale cheeks, he realized what he had done. His demons were gone now, leaving him alone with nothing more than his own scarred heart. In one brutal act, he had destroyed his own destiny.


	2. Betrayal

Betrayal

Betrayal ripped through her like a rusty blade. She had loved this man with all of her heart and her soul. Yet when she had needed him most, he had abandoned her. He had made love to her here in this very bed, then after he had taken his fill, he had just disappeared on her, betraying everything he had nurtured inside her heart.

She had lost her parents young, so it didn't sit well with her that she would lose him, too. To protect her already fragile heart, she had been forced to push him aside. Never would she let him disregard or betray her again. Instead, she had ended whatever it had been that they had created. Little did she know that she would awaken a beast within him with her actions.

And tonight, he had come to her, hell-bent on making her pay for her rejection. In a single violent act, he had destroyed whatever shred of joy remained in her hopeful heart of a future reconcilliation. As he had said, "There is no escape," for with his brutality, he had decided their future.

"I hate you," she murmured, rising from the bed with tear-filled eyes. How could he have done something so vile? Why HIM; the one she had loved?

Glaring at him painfully, heartache and betrayal tore through her already wounded soul. "Get out!" she hissed as she couldn't bear to look at him another second. How could she hate this man whom she so desperately loved?


	3. Crazy  & Captive

Crazy Captive

This woman made him crazy. It had been like that from the very minute he had laid eyes on her at Rodi's. He had wanted her like crazy, and he would have stopped at nothing until she had become his. And even when he had her, he was still crazy for her. He had discovered that their one night of passion would never be enough. When she had ended whatever it was that they had shared, insanity had struck him. It had driven him mad that she no longer wanted him. In that wild instance of craziness, he had vowed revenge.

Now he was out of control as he knew he had done something which was irreversable. He'd wrecked everything in a violent rage, but despite that recognition, he still had crazy thoughts. "Get your clothes on," he commanded brusquely. "You're coming with me."

She gave him a look of burning hatred, her eyes sending fire into his soul. "Never. Go! I never want to see you again!" she screamed, thinking he was absolutely out of his mind if he thought she'd ever go anywhere with him after his savage attack.

Scowling, he withdrew a weapon from his pocket, waving it heedlessly in front of her face. "This gun says you are coming with me," he growled, his jaw tight with determination. He threw her clothes at her, insisting that she hurry and get dressed. After she was ready, he grabbed her arm tight in his grasp, forcing her to accompany him out the door. He had no clue where he was taking her, but she had become his captive.

He lead her out the backway, out past the pool, and into the darkness of the woods. She stumbled and sobbed, struggling to keep up with his vigorous strides. After a moment, he lifted her up into his arms, carrying her off into the inky blackness of the night. She may be his victim and his captive, but it was he who had the imprisoned heart.


	4. Damaged

Damage(d)

He was a man damaged by his own unspoken fears. Since childhood, he had lived in the constant torment of being unloved, forgotten, and abandoned. When the woman in his arms had ended what they had shared together, she had wounded him in that scarred place most vulnerable. And now because of his resulting retaliation, a fragile heart lay crushed and broken.

Cradled against his chest, she had eventually fallen asleep, her cheeks stained with the shadows of her tears. He walked for miles, until he came to an old abandoned building on the edge of town. The Tabernacle of Joy as it was called had once been a hopping club in the late 70's. Now it stood still and silent against a blackened sky. He decided this was as good of a place as any to take his beautiful captive.

Once inside the ramshackle building, he carried her up the many steps to the second floor. There in a room, he lay her down gently upon an old dilapidated couch. Gazing at her a moment, he caressed the tangled curls away from her face. In his other hand, he clutched the gun. He wouldn't take his eyes off her, because he knew she'd flee if given a chance.

Hours passed and when morning light filtered through the dark glossy window panes, she had awakened. Panic struck her, realizing he was right there next to her, and her wrist had been shackled to the wooden armrest of the couch. "Please... you have to let me go..." she murmured, as she contemplated the possible damage of his earlier attack. "I need to use the bathroom. I think I might be... bleeding..."

He sat frozen there a moment as though she had spoken to him in a foreign language. "Alright," he quietly relented. "But I'm waiting right outside the door." He bent over her slightly, setting her wrist free from it's metal restraint. She sucked in her breath, cringing slightly at his touch. As he helped her to her feet and she stood on shaky legs, their gazes met. Gone were her glares and burning hatred from the night before. All that remained was bleeding anguish. The man that she had dared to love had damaged her soul.


	5. Empty & Emptiness

Empty (Emptiness)

Standing right outside the bathroom door, he was barely breathing. The gravity of his deed weighed down upon his shoulders like a massive load. What had he done? He had hurt the one person he had ever truly dared to love. His chest felt empty as though his very heart was now gone. He waited impatiently, hoping she was alright in there, and silently praying that she wouldn't emerge hating him with every inch of her soul.

Inside the bathroom, she cautiously checked herself for bleeding and any other signs of internal damage. Thankfully she was just incredibly bruised, her flesh raw and tender. Physically, she would heal. However, emotionally, she would remain forever scarred. Sobbing softly, she pulled her clothing back into place, standing there by the door as of yet unable to face him. He had hurt her so deeply. Never would she be the same. She was totally empty inside, devoid of anything except those silent, bitter tears which would not stop flowing from her eyes.

"Are you alright in there?" he finally called out, ready to tear the door down if necessary. He didn't get an answer, but just a moment later he heard the lock turn. After the door had opened, she stood there and suddenly their gazes locked. Remorse ripped through him when he saw the rain of tears which ran freely from her vacant eyes.

"Are you... okay?" he asked her softly. "Do I need to take you to a hospital?" A thousand thoughts had gone screaming through his head all at once, but he realized his one greatest fear had been that he'd injured her severely and that he'd have no other choice but to set her free so she could seek medical attention. If he had to be separated from her now; it would kill him. He knew his life would be empty, barren of anything of value if he had to let her go.

She shook her head, her shoulders slumped as she looked so entirely frail and forlorn. "I want to sleep," she said in a quiet whisper, going to him as though she had accepted her fate. She wouldn't fight him anymore. She didn't feel like fighting. For now there was only this aching emptiness, so cold and unwelcome. Neither of them said a word as he walked her into the other room, and she went to lie down again upon the couch. She turned away from him so he could not see the sadness lurking deep in her dark-blue eyes.


	6. Future & Faded

Future & Fade(d)

Neither spoke as the minutes ticked by and the sun rose higher in the sky, sending golden rays of sunlight through the various cracks in the dark glossy window panes along the south wall. It was then he realized then that one terrible night was over, faded now, and it was time to face a new day and the future that would be waiting for them. Speaking was difficult, but he knew he must. There was so much he had to say, if he could manage to push those words passed his lips and tell her what he needed her to hear.

He looked down at his hand, seeing he still had the gun clutched in his grip. A frown on his face, he lay the gun aside, his gaze moving to her. "Look at me," he softly encouraged. Immediately she tensed, hearing his voice. In the blessed silence she had almost forgotten the tragedy she was now caught up in for a just brief moment, but with his voice it all came flooding back to her. Turning over, she met his gaze, seeing pain beyond her greatest imagings lying there in the depths of his eyes.

"I- I need you to listen to me," he said softly. "I need to explain... why..." Looking at him, she couldn't fathom what he could possibly say to give her any sort of indication as to the reasons behind his actions the night before. In her mind and in her heart, there was nothing he could reveal which would stop this burning ache which ripped through her heart. It burned like the fiercest, brightest fire and she feared it would never fade.

"I hurt you... and I'm so sorry," he spoke as his eyes became glassy with unshed tears. "I was angry... and I wanted to hurt you. When you pushed me away, it nearly destroyed me. I wanted you to hurt, like you had hurt me. Now I wish I could take it back. I hate myself for what I did, and I'm so sorry."

Staring into his eyes, she didn't know how to respond. By all rights, everything she felt for him in the past should now be gone, completely faded, but to her surprise and shock, it wasn't. She realized in that moment, that she still had feelings for him, still wanted a future with him... but how that would ever be possible, she did not know. "Please... say something," he implored. "Do you hate me now? Do you want me out of your life forever?" 


	7. Grief & Gun

Grief (Grieving)  
>Gun<p>She shook her head, looking at him as tears streamed from anguished eyes. "Hate you?" she said in a voice barely above a whisper. "No, I could never hate you. But I do hate what you did." What he had done had changed everything. EVERYTHING. Due to that single violent act, she felt hopeless. How could she ever recover from this? How could she go forward in her life? How could fate be so cruel to her, because there was no doubt at all; she loved this man. She knew it that first night, and she knew it now...but despite how she felt for him, he was still the man who had hurt her. The brutality he had forced upon her should be unforgivable. Knowing it would take a miracle to ever get passed it, her entire being was in a state of intense grieving. What kind of future could there ever be without forgiveness?<p>

A look of extreme anguish upon his face, he stared down at his hands, no longer able to hold her gaze. "I hate myself for it," he uttered. "I don't deserve to live because of what I did to you. If I wasn't such a coward, I'd end it now." His own grief was killing him, knowing what he had done and knowing she had every right to hate him for it. His heart was in mourning, thinking he had destroyed it all, and now there was nothing left. What could there possibly be for him now? He was certain he was losing her forever. He couldn't hold her captive here any longer, against her will. He had to let her go. It was the least he could do, considering how he had hurt her.

"I'm going to let you go now. You're free to leave," he said as he undid the shackle which bound her wrist. "Go turn me into the police, whatever you need to do." She made no move to sit up, just lay there, staring up at him with those beautiful dark-blue eyes of hers. Neither of them spoke as their gazes locked. Then she did something entirely unexpected. And he reacted as though burned when he felt the soft, tender touch of her small hand against the flesh of his arm.

"I can't go," she said in a voice drenched with grief. She couldn't leave him now- not like this; though a part of her wanted to run from him and never look back. Something in his eyes compelled her to stay. There was so much pain there behind the mask he always wore, the shroud he always snapped into place so he could fool others of his strength and his power. Only she had caught a glimpse behind that mask. There was something else there, and that is what made her stay.

His hand had touched upon the discarded gun lying there upon the floor. Reaching for it, he placed it carefully in her small hand. Before she could stop him, he raised her hand holding the gun to his chest. "I deserve to die for what I did to you," he said as he took a deep breath and waited for her to end the agony. "Aim it here, at my heart... and pull the trigger."

"Do it!" he insisted.  
> <p>


	8. Held & Haunted

Haunted Held

"No!" she cried out in a voice aching with grief. "I can't!" The thought of what he was suggesting horrified her. Even though what he had done was horrendous, her heart was still bonded to his. To shoot him would be to take her own life, and there was no way she could possibly do it.

She cast the gun aside, tossing it some distance away so it was no longer a threat to either of them. "No one's going to die," she told him solemnly, huge tears within her eyes. "And before you even suggest it, I'm not leaving you."

She took both of his hands into hers and held them tightly. "Look at me," she commanded him as he was dodging her gaze. His hazel eyes were haunted with tragedy and shame.

"I hurt you," he said softly. She watched as his eyes filled up with tears, and they began spilling over.

"I'm so sorry," he said as he lay his face against her hands which were enclosing his.

Feeling the warmth of his tears against her skin, she believed him. She too was crying and blinded by tears. For several heartbeats, they cried together. Then bravely she spoke. "I forgive you," was her whisper.


	9. Ice & Icy

Ice (Icy)

"No!" he gasped, unable to accept her heartfelt words of forgiveness. He pulled away from her, pacing the floor beside the dilapidated couch like a caged animal. A sense of dread assaulted her just watching him. Viewing his savage stance, she wasn't sure if she could reach him. Gingerly she sat up on the couch, her movements slow and cautious. If she rose too quickly, she feared he would retaliate.

She stood up on shaking legs as she was no longer shackled to the arm of the couch. He stopped in his tracks, his eyes affixed on her. "I deserve your hatred. I deserve punishment and death. Your forgiveness is not accepted, nor is it warranted," he hissed, his hazel eyes like icy pools of stark loathing. She knew that hatred she saw in those eyes was not meant for her, but for himself.

She realized then that her forgiving him was only half the battle. The greatest struggle they would ever face would be the one where he would ultimately choose to forgive himself. Obviously, neither one of them had the strength to overpower the demons which kept him locked in that dark, hellish place known as self-hatred. Melting the ice where he had hidden himself was going to take time and a great deal of patience.

Sighing heavily, she tried another tactic. "Alright, scratch that thought then," she spoke quietly. "But you know what... we can't stay here. And I can't go home..." Returning to the place where she had been attacked was not an option. She'd rather die than go back to her home.

"Take me away from here..." she pleaded as she shivered in the icy-cold air. It was freezing in this dark, abandoned building, and she needed warmth and comfort. She needed him to soothe her, to hold her. She found it quite strange that she would want that from the man who had injured her, but she did. She didn't question it any longer as her heart was entirely bonded to his. She knew that if he refused to step into her light, that she must follow him into the darkness.  
> <p>


	10. Justice

Justice

When she asked him to take her away, he couldn't possibly refuse her request. He knew he would spend the rest of his life making it up to her if she would let him. "Alright," he agreed as he reached for her hand. Very slowly she met him halfway and placed her small hand in his. They were no longer the captive and captor as she had willingly agreed to remain with him. She sighed heavily at the sensation of his fingers clasping hers. Just that simple touch was like a soothing balm to her senses.

"Where will we go?" he questioned as he gazed into her dark-blue eyes. He longed to pull her close against his chest and enfold her in his embrace. The need to be close to her was like a seering ache within his soul. He knew he had no right to touch her and hold her in his arms after what he had done, but still he longed for it.

"Let's go to a motel," she suggested as a hot shower would be incredibly nice. She needed to wash away the remnants of his earlier attack. Once she was clean again and wearing fresh clothing, perhaps then she would feel more like herself again. "And let's stop by the mall and get some clothes... and a few other things..."

"Alright," he agreed as he lead her from the building and out into the chilling air. Snowflakes fell from the sky, landing within her hair. It was a long walk to the mall, so he wrapped an arm around her in an attempt to keep her warm. No words were spoken as they walked along the sidewalk and traveled several blocks to the shopping center.

A couple of hours later, they had grabbed a bite to eat and were within their room at the motel. She had gone quietly into the bathroom for a long, hot shower. Tears slipped from her eyes as she washed away the blood and the other evidence of his earlier attack. Her body was sore, her flesh still tender, but already the bruises had began to fade. She wouldn't go to the police, and she wouldn't demand justice for his offense. The anguish she saw in his eyes spoke of his regret; and to her, that was enough.

Moments later she had emerged from the bathroom, wearing a t-shirt and a comfortable pair of sweatpants. As he lay upon the bed, she slowly approached. "Hold me," came her quiet whisper.

He reached out, drawing her into his arms. She melted into his embrace, pressing her face against his chest. Lightly, he began to stroke her hair. No words were spoken, but the voice in his head refused to be silent. He knew there wouldn't be punishment enough for the cruelty he had cast upon her. The inner justice he intended for himself would have to be swift and horrific to match the crime.  
> <p>


	11. Knife

Knife

Sometime in the middle of the night, he awakened to find her snuggled up in his embrace. She looked so beautiful as her cheek rested against the steady beating of his heart. For a moment he could almost forget the ugliness of what had happened as he stared down at the woman in his arms, yet the bitter pain in his heart was a dark reminder of his crime. "I'm so sorry," he murmured as he caressed her hair. She didn't stir as he crushed her closer. Minutes ticked by, and he knew what he had to do. He knew there was no other choice for him. The price for his crime would have to be death. He didn't deserve to live after he what he had did to her. Gently he disengaged from her embrace, laying her back down against the pillows. Softly he placed a kiss upon her lips. A sad kiss of good bye. He gave her one last lingering look as a tear rushed from his eye. *I don't deserve to live for how I've hurt you,* he was thinking. *Good bye, baby. I love you.*

He stood up from the bed and walked over toward the dresser where he had placed his jeans earlier. There in his pocket, he found it; the utility knife he always carried with him. It was fairly new so it had a very sharp blade. Surely it would do the job. He held it in his hand, glancing over at the bed to the woman he loved, the woman he had brutalized. Tonight he would pay the price. The price would be death. He felt a strange sense of peace as he crossed the floor to the bathroom. Once inside, he locked the door. There was a click as he snapped open the blade. It was about two inches long and deadly. The metal gleamed in his grip as he stood looking at his reflection within the mirror. He stared back into a face of a rapist, the face he clearly despised.

She awakened feeling cold, and strangely she just knew something was wrong. She was overcome with a sense of dread. She called out his name as she rose from the bed. Where was he? She saw the bathroom door was closed, so she lightly knocked on it, calling out to him. "Why aren't you answering me?" she demanded urgently when he did not respond. She remembered the incident with the gun and fear struck her deep inside. Would he try to hurt himself? *Please no! Not that!* she cried out from within.

He had made a cut into his wrist. He watched as his blood seeped out in dark-red rivers. Oddly, there was no pain. Just a sense of peace. Suddenly he tensed, hearing her voice at the door. She sounded frantic. He dropped the utility knife to the floor. Ohhh God, what was he doing? He couldn't let her see him like this, bleeding. How would she react if she found out what he had done? "Let me in! Now... or I'm going to call for help!" she insisted. He had no choice then, he had to let her in. He opened the door, staring at her blankly as the blood rushed down his fingers and slid onto the floor. The knife lay there at his feet within a dark puddle of crimson.

She let out a strangled sound, reaching for a towel. She wrapped it around his wrist ever-so-tightly. "How could you do this?" she said sorrowfully as she tended to his wound. "I said I forgive you... and I told you how much I need you. I can't live without you. If I lose you now, it's only going to make my pain that much more unbearable. I love you, don't you know that?" As she spoke to him, she managed to get the bleeding controlled. Luckily the cut wasn't as deep as he had intended. It would eventually heal, but there was certain to be a reminding scar. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him in a tight embrace. He didn't speak as the tears let loose, and he allowed himself to cry. From deep within his soul, all the pain came rushing out. Suddenly, his wound was throbbing unmercifully. Despite the bitter agony, he remembered that she loved him, and for now those words would be all that would keep him from drowning in a sea of self-hatred.


	12. Love

Love

*I love you, don't you know that?* Her words kept echoing over and over in his head as she led him over to the bed. She covered him gently with the blanket and then crawled in next to him, wrapping her arms around him so tight. She held him in her embrace just whispering soft words of comfort to him. He didn't remember the words as he eventually drifted off to sleep. Only when he was deeply asleep, did she pull away from him. Carefully she checked the bandage surrounding the wound on his wrist. Thankfully the bleeding had slowed. He would survive. She had saved him before it had been too late. She gave a sigh of relief. Only then did she rise to clean up the mess in the bathroom.

As she washed away his blood which stained the bathroom floor, it mingled with her tears. Somehow she knew she must get through to him. She couldn't lose him to his own self-hatred. The love she felt for him had to be stronger than the hate he harbored for himself. When he awoke, somehow she'd make him see. After his suicide attempt, she realized he was suffering just as much she was. Hurting her had devastated him so deeply that now he wanted to die. She must convince him somehow that despite how he had hurt her, they still had a future together. She stood there in the bathroom, staring down at the knife. Angrily she threw it in the trash. She loved him far too much to watch him self-destruct.

He slept for many hours and finally, his eyes drifted open. The cut on his wrist throbbed as he saw her staring at him. He looked into her dark-blue eyes and thought he saw disappointment behind her gaze. "I'm sorry. No matter what I do, it seems I keep fucking it up..." he said to her quietly.

"Had you succeeded, you would have destroyed EVERYTHING," she told him. "You have to stay here and fight for me... for us. There's no escape for me after what happened, and there's no escape for you either. We are in this together. If you run from it, you desert me. Don't hurt me anymore, please stay..."

She dropped to her knees and placed her head upon the palm of his hand. Gently he caressed her hair. "I won't go. I'll stay," he promised her. He would stay as he hadn't stayed that night; that very first night when they had made love. His actions that night had set all of this into motion. He would stay and fight. And maybe if he fought hard enough, his reward would be the comfort of her love. She kept claiming that she loved him, but he knew he didn't deserve it. He was certain that he deserved nothing but her hatred. Even so, he longed for her to love him with all of his soul.

"Please stay forever," came her quiet whisper as her silent tears wet his hand. Tenderly he brushed all those tears away. He wanted to promise her forever, but right now he just wanted to make it to the very next day. 


	13. Mend & Mending

Mend(ing)

Several days had passed, and his wound was on the mend. They had stayed holed up in the motel room all those days, just lost in a fog of half-awareness. She knew it was time to go. They couldn't remain in the motel much longer as though hiding themselves from the rest of world. Their funds were nearly depleted. She knew they must go back to her house, considering his place of residence, a frat house, would not be an option. Returning to her home would be extremely difficult as it was the place where the incident occured. Entering 'the scene of the crime' would be a major hurdle for both of them, yet it was one she was not eager to face.

"We gotta go home now," she told to him, taking his hand after they had showered and had their breakast. He met her eyes, a look of a wounded animal reflected in his gaze. Gently she caressed the dark-blond hair back from his brow. "We can do this together. But we just can't stay here any longer. We need to live again."

He knew it was true, but he was fearful. Perhaps she should have been the one who was terrified, but yet it was he who appeared most traumatized. He hadn't said much after the incident where he had sliced his wrist open. It was as if most of their communication ocurred in the form of gentle touches and comforting embraces. Words weren't enough to soothe the endless ache that had seeped deep inside their souls. The pain was still intense, but with each tender gesture, her heart was gradually mending. It was a slow process, but knowing she was safe with him, her pain and fear had began to lessen. Physically she was completely healed from his attack, now she just had to continue with the deep emotional healing.

Gently she kissed his lips in a comforting gesture. She had already gathered up their meager possessions, and it was time to go. He looked haunted as she took his hand and they stepped outside into the cold. On the walk back to her house, she talked to him about her childhood and her memories of her parents as she tried to ease the silence and soothe his growing anxiety. He listened quietly, his heart racing in his chest.

As they stood outside her home, he suddenly froze in his tracks. This was both the place where they had first made love and the place where he had came so close to destroying the best thing he had ever known. Settling his gaze on her, he whispered those words again. "I'm sorry," he quietly spoke. She nodded as she lightly squeezed his hand. She tugged on it, urging him to step inside. Moments later, they stood in the foyer together as the warm air had settled upon their chilled skin.

"We're home," she whispered to him, wrapping her arms around him and laying her head down onto his shoulder.  
> <p>


	14. Nausea & Nauseated

Nausea (Nauseated)

She had awakened several mornings in a row feeling extremely nauseated. After emptying the contents of her stomach, she had felt much better. She had been able to crawl back into bed next to him and get a little more sleep. Today however, something was different. Today she had a test she needed to take. She took the plastic stick from the box and stared at it almost numbly. She performed the test, yet did not wait the required time to view the result. Deep in her heart, she already knew the answer. Taking the plastic stick into her hand, she quietly made her way down the hallway. It was time to face her demons. She hadn't gone into the room where she had been attacked since their return to her home nearly two weeks ago. She told herself that today however, she would enter her former bedroom and retrieve a few of her clothing articles.

She wasn't prepared for the feelings which assaulted her when she saw the tangled sheets strewn upon her bed. Remembering what had happened as painful flashbacks overcame her, she struggled not to lose her cool. Part of her wanted to scream and cry, but instead she just bit her lower lip as she stormed over toward the bed. She ripped off the sheets, pulling them all into a bundle she then lifted into her arms. She forgot all about her purpose for entering that particular room as a sudden need to destroy the sheets overwhelmed her.

She carried the bundle down the stairs and lay it down next to the fireplace. She soon had a roaring fire crackling within the hearth. She took the bundle of sheets and lay them in the blaze. Soon the scent of burning fabric permeated the air. It was at that moment that he had emerged from the master bedroom. The past few mornings, he had been awakened when she climbed out of bed and had rushed off toward the bathroom. Obviously she had been struggling with nausea, although she hadn't said a word to him about it. The scenerio kept repeating itself, and he was worried. Had she taken sick? When he walked into the living room, he saw the burning fabric within the hearth. He found her near the fireplace holding something within her hand. No words passed between them for several moments as he stood there, searching her dark-blue eyes.

"What are you doing?" he asked quietly. She didn't answer as she lay the plastic stick within his hand. He looked at it in surprise as an expression of sudden realization came to his face. If she had been trying to distract him, she had certainly succeeded. He tore his gaze away from the result of the test to once again look at her questioningly, as though trying to determine her thoughts and feelings regarding this tiny white stick. He felt as though the very breath had been stolen from his lungs. He was the reason she had gotten into this state, he was sure of it; and he hated himself now more than ever.

Words came to him, but he swallowed them back down. After a moment, he took the offending little stick and tossed it into the flames, letting it crinkle and burn along with the sheets. He then turned on his heel and headed swiftly up the staircase, unable to deal with this latest development. She stared into the orange flames as huge tears filled her eyes and slowly washed down her face. Seeing his reaction, it jolted her into reality as all the frozen spaces deep inside her heart had began to unthaw. Another wave of nausea struck, but she pushed it aside. Minutes later she appeared in the master bedroom where he had retreated once again. He lay on his side of the bed, facing the wall. "We need to talk," she told him as she climbed into bed next to him.


	15. Over

Over

He turned over reluctantly as their gazes met. He didn't feel like talking, but she refused to allow him to retreat so deeply inside the dark place where he often hid himself. It was time to make him face the situation, but she knew she must choose her words with care. If she wasn't cautious, he might just slip even further from her gasp. "This isn't just about you and me anymore," she told him. "It's time for you to man-up and face this situation head-on. You need to find the strength within to fight for us or we're over. Things have changed now; I'm having your child."

He just shook his head in a state of disbelief when sudden realization struck him that she was actually planning to have this baby. He had always wanted to be a father one day, but not like this. Knowing that this pregnancy had resulted from his darkest act disgusted him. "Considering we both know how this happened, I think it would be best if you just terminated it," he stated.

"This is MY choice," she said as sudden anger caused her voice to tremble. "You didn't give me a choice that night, so why should I give you any say at all? I am going to HAVE this child. He or she is innocent and cannot help how they were created. I am going to LOVE this child and something good is going to come out of that one horrible night."

The unconditional love she possessed for the child she carried sucked the air from his lungs with the strength of it's intensity. It parelleled the deep, abiding love she had always given him. "Are you sure about this?" he questioned.

"Yes, I'm absolutely sure," she answered. "But what about you; can you love and accept this baby, knowing how it was conceived?" The reality of this pregnancy was beginning to sink in for her, and she was overcome with waves of fierce love and protectiveness for her unborn child. She lay a hand against her flat stomach as she looked at him questioningly. "I need to know that you are going to be the man that both the baby and I need. Are you going to do what's right for us? Because if you aren't willing to try, I'm afraid we're over."

He didn't know if he could be the man she needed or deserved or even if he could love the child, but because he loved her and didn't want to lose her, he had no other choice but to try. "I'll do whatever you need me to do," he promised. He was almost certain he wouldn't survive if they were officially 'over.' Considering being apart from her was not an option, he must stay and fight. He knew he wouldn't be fighting alone, because she'd be with him as they strived for a common goal; peace and happiness. Unsure of what the future would bring, but knowing he loved her, he took her into his arms and gently kissed her lips. Pulling back after the tender kiss, his eyes spoke the words he hadn't been able to convey. In his gaze she saw love, tenderness, and apology. Holding him closely, that had been all she had needed to 'hear.'  
> <p>


	16. Pain

Pain

Three months had passed since the morning she had given him the news of her pregnancy. They had gone on with her lives, returning to their college courses in an attempt at some sort of normalcy despite their lingering pain and torment. Although they hadn't resumed a physical relationship, they were as close as ever. They spent every free moment together, and he had practically moved into her mansion. For the most part, they were dealing with their issues fairly well, although he avoided discussion of her advancing pregnancy as though it were little more than an unhappy reminder to him of that fateful night nearly four months ago when he had hurt her. She didn't push him, knowing that with her growing stomach, he'd have to face the situation and all it entailed soon enough.

One night as she was preparing supper for them in the kitchen, a sudden wrenching pain ripped through her lower abdomen. Clutching her stomach, she held onto the cupboard tightly for support as a gasp of agony fell from her lips. "What's for supper?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen. When he saw her holding onto the side of the cupboard with a look of intense pain upon her face, he rushed over to her side. He drew her into his arms as he asked her what was wrong. He placed a tender kiss upon her forehead as she clung to him for support.

"It's the baby," she spoke softly. "It hurts so much." She went suddenly limp in his embrace as she had passed out from the pain. He effortlessly lifted her up into his arms as he gazed at her with worry. Knowing he had to get her to the hospital swiftly, he rushed out the back door. He carried her out to the car and drove her to the hospital.

Minutes later, he carried her into the E.R. "Help her," he begged a nurse. "She's losing our baby." The medical staff took her away to examine her and insisted he wait out in the hallway. As he sat on an uncomfortable wooden bench, pain sliced through his heart like a white-hot blade. *Please don't let her lose the baby,* he quietly prayed. *She loves and wants this baby so very much. I know I don't deserve her or our child, but please don't make her suffer because of my sins.*

A moment later, a nurse stepped out into the hallway. "She wants to see you now," she informed him. He rose swiftly as he longed to see her as well. He rushed to her side, taking her small hand into the strength of his.

"Are you okay, baby?" he asked as he gazed at her questioningly. "What did the doctor say?" Sudden waves of pain stuck him with blinding intensity. He realized at that moment that he loved both her AND the baby, and he didn't want to lose either one of them. She had been right all along; the child was innocent and deserving of life and love.

*Please let our baby live,* was his silent prayer.  
> <p>


	17. Questions

Question(ed)

Softly she reached out, her fingertips brushing across his cheek in a tender caress as she saw the love and concern within his gaze. Once again, he questioned her about her condition. "Im alright," she assured him. "The doctor did a few tests. I'm not having any spotting, and the baby continues to have a strong heartbeat. They think the baby is going to be alright, too. The doctor said I need to take things easy for awhile, get some much needed rest, and avoid stress." She let out a heavy sigh. There had a been a great deal of stress over the past few months. She was in med school, plus involved in a complicated relationship with him. She was carrying a child conceived from a violent act, and the father of her child hadn't been too happy about it's conception. She knew she had to slow down and avoid stress as she didn't want to lose this baby.

"Try not to worry," she said to him as she saw the pain within his eyes. "I can go home in the morning. I'll get lots of rest and everything will be alright." He nodded, but he was worried as hell about her. She looked really pale, small, and delicate lying there in her sterile hospital bed and somehow, he felt this was all his fault. God was punishing him again; and he didn't want to lose her or the baby. He kissed her gently and told her he loved her. He stayed by her side, holding her hand until she fell asleep. All night long, he remained there with her and refused to leave her side. And as she slept, he prayed for her and the baby.

The next morning she was released from the hospital. He wouldn't let her lift a finger when they got home and carried her upstairs to bed. "You're going to lay down in this bed and take care of yourself," he told her sternly as he placed her on the bed and covered her gently with a blanket. "If you need anything at all, I'll get it for you. I'm going to make you some soup." He started to walk away, but she grabbed his hand.

"I need to talk to you," she said softly. "I have questions. You're feeling differently now, aren't you, about the baby? Something's changed; I can see it in your eyes."

He stared back at her, thinking she could read him so well... maybe too well. "Yes, my feelings have changed. When I thought you were losing the baby, I realized, this baby is a part of us; a part of both of us... and despite how it happened, I do want this child," he told her. "I'm going to take care of you and the baby. Anything you need, I will get it for you, so you will get plenty of rest and relaxation. As for the stress, we will work on that, too. I know that I've made things tough on you, considering my feelings about the pregnancy... but I DO want this baby. I may hate how it happened, but I love you... and I love our baby, too."

Tears filled her eyes, but they were happy ones. She wrapped her arms around him and held him so tightly. "This child will be a blessing to us. Something so incredibly beautiful will come from something so dark and painful..." she said softly as she lay her head against his shoulder. "... Somehow we need to get passed what happened... but the question is 'how?'" He didn't have the answers, so he just caressed her hair and hoped that with time, blessed peace and contentment would come to them. With all the hell they had been through, he knew it would be long overdue.


	18. Roses

Roses

An unfamiliar sensation had awakened her one day from the calming depths of her sleep. She rose up slowly in the bed, accessing her surroundings. A smile lit up her face, seeing a beautiful bouquet of red and white roses upon the nightstand. It was so unlike him to have given her the roses. He wasn't generally the romantic type, nor was he nostalgic, but somehow he had known what it was that she had needed. She rose from the bed to thank him, but suddenly stopped in her tracks. There it was- that sensation again- the one which had awakened her. She called out for him, and he came running as fast as his legs could carry him. He hurried up the staircase and dashed to her side, a look of concern upon his face.

Seeing his expression of tenderness and worry, she took his hands into hers as she sought to reassure him. "No, nothing's wrong," she swore as she gently guided his hand down to the small mound which was their child. "I felt the baby move." His eyes lit up, and she knew he felt it, too. Suddenly then, a smile came to his face; his first true smile since before that fateful day. His smile made her feel as though they could live again; that perhaps one day they'd truly be alright. Pressing her lips to his, she wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed him with all the raw emotion trapped so deep inside. As their kiss went on and on, it had become one of intense passion.

She never wanted to let him go as she pressed her body tightly to his, lost in the sensation of his touch. Yet when the kiss had become hot, he had gone tense. He pushed her away as she stared at him and tried to catch her breath. Her eyes were dark-blue with passion, her lips slightly bruised from the intensity of his kiss. "No... I can't..." he said in a growl. She tried to reach for him, but he wouldn't allow it. He turned away from her and practically ran from the room as if the demons of hell were chasing after him. Tears rushed from her eyes as he disappeared from her sight.

She had no choice but to go after him. She should have stayed in bed, but she disobeyed her doctor's orders. She followed him down the hallway until he reached THAT room; the one where their dreams came close to caving in. He opened the door and stepped inside, slamming it harshly behind him. What she heard next made her legs weak as she sunk quietly to the floor. There was the distinct sound of breaking glass and objects being tossed in every single direction as they crashed loudly against the walls. Cries of agony tore from his throat as he screamed and cursed, yelling at the top of his lungs. Soft sobs choked her as he released his pain and his anger in a consummate rage.

Moments of time passed and the shouting had stopped. There was only the agonized sound of his ravaged crying beyond the door. She lay down in the hallway as her tears dried in ghostly trails upon her pale face. They were living the same nightmare, but on different pages of the same book. She wanted him; needed him to heal. "Come back to me," she begged him quietly as she closed her eyes to rest. The door which stood between them felt suddenly like an dark, impossible chasm they could never cross. 


	19. Sleep

Sleep

He came out of the bedroom to find her lying on the floor of the hallway with her arms wrapped around herself. Her hand lay upon the small mound of her stomach. Staring into her face, he could see the tracks of her tears. Gently he lifted her into his arms. She whispered his name in her sleep and slightly stirred, but did not awaken, not until he had lain her down carefully upon their bed. He crawled in next to her and tugged her into his arms. She snuggled up against the strength of his chest as her eyes came open. "Go back to sleep," he murmured to her softly as he caressed her hair.

"I can't sleep. I need you," she responded, taking his hand in hers. Softly she kissed it as she moved back slightly to gaze into his eyes. "Please don't pull away from me again. I need you so much." Looking into the dark-blue jewels of her eyes, he knew exactly what it was she needed. He couldn't give her all of himself, but he would give her what she needed most at that moment. He slid his hand under her nightie and touched her so gently. Their eyes locked together as the breath was stolen from her lungs. Tiny sounds of pleasure fell from her lips as he continued to caress her. His touch was so gentle as she quickly fell over the edge. After it was over, she struggled to get her breath.

"Thank you," she said in a whisper as she spread soft kisses on his neck. "I want to touch you, too."

"No," he replied as he stiffened in her embrace all over again. He looked terrified at the very thought of her touch, so she didn't press him. She knew he wasn't ready so she curled up against his chest and closed her eyes. Tenderly, he caressed her hair.

"Let's go to sleep," he told her in a whisper. Together they rested on the bed, holding each other. In the quiet stillness, she was thankful for all the strides they had made despite the moments of pain. Gradually, together, they were making their way out of the darkness. 


	20. Tainted & Transformation

Tainted & Transformation

After two months of almost complete bedrest, her doctor had lifted the restrictions. It was the morning of her next doctor's visit, and she was eager for her appointment. Since he had opted to complete some tasks at home, a close friend had offered to take her to see the doctor. She and her friend had plans to do some shopping afterwards. As soon as she left, he got busy. He headed upstairs to her former bedroom. When he walked in, he saw that the room was in shambles. There was broken glass on the floor and various objects had been destroyed. It was tainted as it was, and he knew he must transform it. Everything of value he placed in boxes. He swept up the broken glass, then carried the boxes of salvageable items upstairs to the attic. He removed the furniture piece by piece, storing all of it in the attic as well.

When nothing remained but the bed, he began to disassemble it. Once the bed had been taken apart, he carried the headboard and frame to the attic. He drug the mattress down the staircase and outside into the backyard. He tossed it into the empty swimming pool and set it ablaze. As he watched it burn, he felt a sense of peace and quiet satisfaction slowly settle upon his soul. All that was painful and tainted from that dark memory he could now lay to rest.

After the mattress was nothing but glowing embers he returned to the house. From a closet he gathered items he had stored there without her knowledge. In the now empty room, he set up a baby crib and other items needed for the coming baby. After it was all set up to his satisfaction, he began painting the walls. He was close to half-way finished when he heard her coming through the front door. He headed downstairs, a half-smile upon his face. "I got a surprise for you," he told her. She returned his smile and lightly caressed his cheek, seeing a spot of paint clinging to his skin. She began to question him, but he just shook his head. He clasped her hand and lead her up the staircase. As they walked down the hallway and approached her former bedroom, she nearly retreated, yet something about his vivacious demeanor forced her to continue. When she saw the crib and all the amazing items he had set-up for the baby, she couldn't believe her eyes.

"Is it alright?" he asked as he stared questioningly into her eyes. She nodded. It was more than alright. It was absolutely wonderful. She took the blue bunny she had purchased and placed it in the crib. She settled herself in his arms as she thought of the room's transformation. No longer was it a place of dread for either of them. He had taken away all that was dark and tainted and replaced it with something of beauty and hope.

"I have a surprise for you, too," she said as she showed him the latest ultrasound photo. "We're having a boy."

A grin settled on his face as he gazed at the picture. He couldn't have been happier when she told him the news. "That's great," he said as he tenderly kissed her. "Now we have to come up with a name." They held each other close as no further words were exchanged. There was no need for words. All they needed in that moment was each other.


	21. Unbelievable

Unbelievable

At times it seemed unbelievable that after everything they had gone through they were still together and about to have a precious baby. They had been lying in bed thinking of baby names for the past hour or so. All the names they had come up with thus far hadn't seemed to fit. Then he suggested that maybe they should give their son the middle name Thomas as it happened to be his true first name. "I like that," she told him with a smile. "How about William Thomas?"

"That's perfect," he said as he pulled her into his arms. He lay his hand over the mound of her stomach as he felt their child moving within her. "He likes it, too," he said with a little laugh. "I'm glad we are having a boy, and you are both okay. It's so unbelievable, and I'm happy."

When he smiled at her, she knew he truly meant it. He was more happy than she had seen him in a very long time. Gone was that great weight of pain and guilt he had been carrying upon his shoulders for the past few months. She could feel it as she gazed at him. Tenderly she caressed his cheek, and his lips lowered onto hers. He kissed her softly, sipping at her lips sensuously until she shuddered. She lay back against the pillows in surrender as he pressed his body over hers. She tangled her fingers in his semi-long hair as his lips moved to her neck, gently exploring and tasting. She thought she would lose her mind if he didn't give her what it was she had been wanting but she was afraid to ask for it.

Suddenly he pulled away and looked at her, that haunted expression again clouding his eyes. "Don't go," she pleaded as she grabbed his hand. "I need you. Please." She raised his hand to her lips and gently kissed his fingers one by one. The terrified expression on his face began to dissipate. She pulled him back into her arms and just held him. She whispered soft words of comfort as he began to calm. She then took his hand and slid it under her nightie, pressing it softly against her breasts. At her silent invitation, their eyes locked and he began to touch her. Her nipples beaded up as she sucked in her breath. He squeezed and kneaded each of her breasts, then slid his hand downward into her panties. His fingertips rubbed against the place where she was most senstive.

"Yes... please... I need you so much..." she said breathlessly. He explored her moist flesh and slid his fingers inside her. She arched toward his thrusts as she reached her climax. After it was over, she lay in his arms. She longed to touch him, too, but she didn't dare. Instead, she told him she loved him and curled up against his muscular chest. He caressed her hair as they held each other. In the quiet darkness of their room, she thought of how far they'd come. She hoped to find a way to reach him, so he would trust himself again. Until he could give himself to her entirely, her heart ached with what they were missing. As ready as she was to take the next step, sadly, he wasn't. Considering she loved him with all her heart and soul, she wouldn't pressure him. She'd wait as long as necessary, knowing he was worth the wait.  
> <p>


	22. Victorious Valentine's Day

Victorious Valentine's Day

Valentine's day arrived and with it came the promise of the new baby the two had been anticipating. William was due to join them at any time. She was so heavy now with her pregnancy that she found it difficult to sleep. She was feeling major discomfort. Yet the morning of Valentine's day, she awakened to feel something else. Against her lower back she felt the glorious sensation of something pressing hard and insistent against her flesh. Her eyes came open as she arched herself against it longingly. She whispered his name and waited for him to answer her, but when she got no response she realized he was sleeping. It seemed that in his unconscious state, he must be having a passionate dream. Her heart beat faster as she turned carefully in the bed and wrapped her arms around him. She pressed her lips to his in a slow, delicious kiss. After a moment, awareness came to him, and he began kissing her back. His hands slid up her nightie as desire and need took over. It had been so long and he needed to be deep inside her.

There were no words as they continued to kiss hungrily while his hands explored her silken flesh. Soft moans floated from her lips at his tender touch. Her body went up in flames as he caressed her breasts and slid his hand past her protruding stomach to the juncture between her thighs. As his fingers nestled there, giving her pleasure, his lips tasted her neck. He suddenly realized he couldn't stop himself, not this time. He was ready. Part of him was terrified he might hurt her or the baby, but he swore to himself he'd be careful and only give her pleasure.

He watched her eyes as he settled himself inside her. They were so dark-blue and glowing with desire. He whispered her name as he filled her over and over. He brought her to her climax several times before he eventually exploded inside of her. After it was over, he withdrew and lay there next to her. She curled up in his arms and caressed his face. "That was beautiful," she whispered to him. It had truly been a victorious Valentine's day.

"I love you, babe," he told her. He pressed kisses to her face as he held her, then he got up to see about fixing breakfast. He had no sooner got to his feet when he heard her gasp. There was something about that gasp that worried him. "What is it? What's wrong?" he asked as he rushed back to her side.

She pressed a hand to her stomach as she had just felt a definite contraction. Suddenly there was a flood of warm liquid from her vagina. "My water just broke," she told him as she gazed into his eyes. A little smile came to her face. "I think it was your lovemaking that did it." He couldn't help but smile too from her teasing look. No matter what had brought on her labor, he felt a rush of excitement. They were going to see their baby soon. 


	23. William & Whisper

William & Whisper

After hours of labor, they finally laid the baby in her arms. "He's so beautiful," she said happily as she gazed at her infant son. The child looked at her with sleepy midnight-blue eyes so like her own. Tears of joy cascaded down her face as she held him close and whispered into his ear. "Daddy and I love you so much," she told him. She cuddled him closer in her embrace as she never wanted to let him go.

The man she loved stood at her side also marveling over their child. He loved their son, all 6 pounds and 8 ounces of him. They had gone through so much to get this far, but it had been worth it. He was so relieved that she was alright, and they had a healthy son. After awhile, the hospital staff had left to give them some privacy to bond with their newborn son. "Can I hold him?" he asked her, an expression on his face she couldn't quite read. It was then she realized he was thinking about that night. That one terrible, agonizing night when their child had been conceived. The look of sorrow on his face was devastating. She had thought about it, too; when the pain of the birth had been at it's worst. But for the most part, she had made peace with that memory. The torturing images associated with the event no longer struck her every hour of the day as they once had. To her, they had so much more than just that one night. They had their whole lives ahead of them. Forgiving him had set her free.

"Of course you can hold him," she said as she gave him a little smile. "William wants to meet his daddy." She gently handed William over into his arms as she watched him pull the baby close and press his lips ever-so-softly against his tiny head. The look of joy and intense love upon his face brought fresh tears to her eyes.

He stood up with the baby in his arms and carried him over toward the window. As he stared off into the distance, he saw a rainbow in the sky. It had to be some sort of a sign. A rainbow symbolized promise. Looking down at his newborn son, he made promises to his child. "William, I am going to be the best dad that I can possibly be. I am going to be there for you; to love and protect you and your mom. And I swear to you I'll never hurt her again." With those words, he cried, his tears falling upon the baby's tiny face.

He carried little William back to his mother and laid him in her arms. "I love you, baby. I gotta go for awhile," he stated. And without a backwards glance, he had left before she could utter one more word.


	24. XRays

X-ray

He hadn't been away long when the doctor arrived to discuss the baby's condition. They were taking William in for x-rays as there appeared to be cause for concern. "What is it?" she asked frantically. "What's wrong with my baby?" The doctor explained there was a problem with William's skull; a small bump had been found that required further investigation. After he was finished in Radiology, they'd be returning William back to his mommy.

She sat in her hospital bed, tears escaping her sorrowed eyes. Not William. She prayed earnestly that nothing would happen to her baby boy. Her mother's intuition told her that this was no small thing. William was in danger. Somehow she just KNEW. The man she loved walked in, finding her crying as she awaited William's return. "What is it?" he asked. "Where is our son?" She told him of the doctor's suspicions and that their little boy had been taken in for x-rays.

He took her in his arms as he did everything in his power to ease her pain. No comforting words were enough. She needed it to hear it from William's doctor. She had to hear that her son was fine- that it was all just a huge mistake. "Please let him be okay," she murmured as she waited anxiously for word from the doctor.

It seemed a great deal of time had passed and finally William had been placed in his mother's embrace. She looked at the doctor as though begging for answers; some sort of miracle that would indicate that her child would be okay. "According to the x-rays your child suffers from an inoperable brain tumor. I'm afraid he will not live to see his first birthday," the doctor stated as he offered his upmost sympathies.

"No!" she cried out. Tears of pain fell from her eyes as she looked at the adorable infant who lay in her arms. He looked so peaceful and serene. He couldn't be dying. Her eyes then caught on the man at her side, William's father. He didn't say a word as he wrapped her up in his embrace, trying to console her. Nothing could make it better. The child she had carried beneath her heart would be leaving them soon. Their most joyous day ever had just turned into an eternity of suffering.


	25. Yell & Yearn

Yell and Yearn

She wanted to yell and scream at the world. The baby boy she loved was dying. They took him home and loved him. They gave him everything they had in the short time they had left with him. She wanted to make many memories with him. All of them happy, because he'd be leaving them soon. She talked to him all the time, telling him about her life, about everything she had done and the places she had seen. William had wise eyes, and he always seemed to listen. He'd lay there in his mother's embrace, taking it all in. He seemed obvious to her pain and her yearning. She wanted him to stay forever, not just for a few months. He was her baby, and she loved him so much.

His daddy was far more quiet. He would sit in a chair for hours, his son in his arms, and he would not say a word. Every now and then he would caress his son's fuzzy little head or smile down into his infant eyes. William was a happy baby from the very first. He didn't cry much, and he smiled often. He didn't seem to be in any pain. His ice-blue eyes would to take in the world as he quietly studied it. He seemed like such an old soul, and his father was convinced he had been sent down on earth with a purpose.

As he was seated in front of the window in the nursery, holding his infant son, he came to realize the purpose of William's life. William came to them in a time of turmoil. He wanted his parents to realize there was beauty behind all the ugliness. He was their gift beyond all the pain. He was their rainbow in the sky, and their promise of the future. Sadly though, William's time on earth was limited. One day they'd have to go on without their baby boy.

She came to his side and lay her hand upon his shoulder. He looked up at her and with his sad little smile. "We have to make the most of the time we have with him," he whispered as he lay his hand upon hers. "I love you... and I love him. And I'm ready to forgive myself. Having him in our lives has taught me that."

"Are you sure you're ready to let go of the past... and all the pain?" she asked him.

"You and our son have given me the courage to see beyond that one night of suffering. The future is waiting for us. I don't know what it is... but I know I can never lose you," he responded. As the rays of sunlight filtered through the curtains, he saw her most beautiful smile.  
> <p>


	26. Zebra & Zoo

Zoo & Zebra

They arrived at the zoo with their precious baby boy in the stroller. William was now eight months old. The doctors had said that his days were numbered. His health was very fragile, but even so they were enjoying their time with him and trying to build some beautiful memories. They took William to see the tigers, the monkeys, and then the zebras. When William saw the zebras, he giggled. He had such a happy smile on his little face. His mommy lifted him from the stroller and hugged him tight. She kissed his little cheek, then handed him to his daddy.

William's daddy held him up so he could see the zebras even better. William loved all the animals at the zoo. His mommy was always reading him books about animals, and the zebras had always been his favorite.

Before they left the zoo that day, they stopped by the gift shoppe and got William his own little stuffed zebra. She was surprised when he picked up a second little zebra and laid it in the basket. "Why are you getting an extra one?" she asked him curiously.

"One for William... and one for us," he responded. When their son was gone, they'd still have the zebra. They'd have something tangible to remember this day besides all the photos they'd taken. She looked into his eyes, absorbing the meaning of his words. Although they knew their child would be leaving them soon, and it was expected, the pain was still excruciating.

"I think that's a wonderful idea," she told him as they walked up to the cash register to pay for two stuffed animals. They placed William's stuffed zebra in his crib to watch over him every night while he slept. The cute little zebra was there with him till the end.

On the day they laid him to rest, they tucked his favorite toy in beside him. He looked so adorable; as though he were only sleeping. "Good-bye, William. I love you so much," she said as the man she loved held her in his embrace.

Later that night, she climbed into bed, holding the identical zebra in her arms. She cried and cried as he held her close. "How are we going to go on without him?" she whispered.

"We'll make it," he promised. "We've lost our precious son, but we still have each other."

The End 


End file.
